Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The List

We all grow older and with age come certain deficiencies. I have a very dear, much older friend with whom I spend time and as her eyesight has diminished (along with her hearing and her memory), certain aspects of her housekeeping and personal appearance have suffered. Wishing to spare my children the embarrassment of having to clean up after me or suffer for my sake, I have devised this list so that I don't forget to remember how to behave in my dotage. When I told my daughter about it she laughed. "Oh Mom," she said, "you'll forget where you put the list and then where will we be?"

Well, the list will be right here. I will just have to remember to read my own blogs.

1. I will wash the bathroom, the kitchen floor, the stove top, and the counters every day even if I don't think they are that dirty. I will pretend that vacuuming and mopping are part of daily my exercise routine.

2. Likewise, I will change my clothing every day and make sure to do the laundry often. I do not want to look good in what I eat!

3. I will practice facial gestures in the mirror until I can do them automatically. One can sometimes tell what another is saying by paying close attention to body language and gestures. I will have an "uh huh" face, an "oh no!" face, and an "of course!" face all down pat.

4. Just to be on the safe side, I will wear my reading glasses and hearing aids (if someday I have either) when company comes even though they may be uncomfortable and I will hate admitting to needing them. I know how exasperating it is to repeat something a half dozen times with ever increasing volume. It must be equally as exasperating to have no clue what the other person is saying (despite facial gestures and body language)!

5. I will always wear my false teeth (if someday I need those, too) when eating in the company of others.

6. I will announce my nap times beforehand so that I won't be caught snoring open mouthed or drooling on the pillow by unexpected drop-in visitors.

7. I will allow (nay, even encourage) my guests to bring food rather than force them to bravely swallow whatever concoction I thought I knew how to make.

8. I will turn around and check to see if I did indeed turn the lights off.

9. I will wear three sweaters, socks, and a hat rather than keep the heat set at a comfortable 92 degrees.

10. I will write down the address of this blog post and keep it handy. I know my days are numbered.


Molly said...

I chortled my way through your list! I need to make one too as I'm already accused of having early onset dementia! But, if we spend all that time scrubbing, attending to personal hygiene, and sweltering in all those clothes, we'll have no time to lie in a hammock and stare at the clouds, listen to the grass grow and the birds singing! We're going to have to make a second list---a list of dotage priorities!

Pauline said...

ha! Love the second list of dotage priorities idea - that may have to be my next post here. Write your own and we'll share, how about?

Diane said...

I'm totally giving your list to my mother. She needs it in a BIG way.

persiflage said...

I'm with Molly. While the list is full of laudable suggestions, my sneaking suspicion is that there comes a time to desist from housework, and to devote oneself to self-indulgence.

Pauline said...

Diane - it's posted on my own fridge so I can start practicing

Persiflage - you may want to quit but think of the poor folks who have to visit you - have some mercy ;)

JeannetteLS said...

I never did vacuum every day... And people don't complain.. I think I simply started my dotage early. I LOVe the hearing aids and the temperature--not at 92! I have so much on my fridge I think I'd need to put it on the bathroom mirror.

etcetera said...

Ha. I'll remind you of this when it all starts happening in 30 years or so :)

justsomethoughts... said...

how excellent is that?!

i think i'm gonna print the list out for myself.
it a rather good one.

Pauline said...

Jeannette - don't forget to remove the list before you wash the mirror!

Etc. - a copy of this list is with my important paper ;)

Copy away, Just. I am sure I'll think of additions as the years mount.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Wash what mirror?